Brooks (brooksmoses) wrote,
Brooks
brooksmoses

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In which I think about a spam perhaps overly much.

I have been informed by a Dr. Tunde Brown that I should send in my personal information and a small payment in order to receive a "Swift Credit Card System" ATM card which I am entitled to. This ATM card is described as follows:
The total amount on your ATM CARD is USD$8.5M; upon receipt of your ATM CARD, you can withdraw at any ATM centre nearest to you and you are required to withdraw $150,000.00 per 2hours, according to the statutory convention Governing the ethics of your Card.
Now, as I ponder this, I wonder if it occurred to the author of this that ATMs are not, in fact, limitless supplies of money so long as they're connected to a bank account. I'm not entirely sure how much they hold, but it seems quite likely that $150,000 is substantially more than an ATM holds.

I pointed this out to suzanne, who observed that it did not in fact say that I could withdraw this at a single ATM; it referred to an ATM centre, which I suppose means the set of machines at a given bank.

So, I have this image of driving up to a bank, getting out a bucket, and completely emptying all of their machines. Sorry, people in line behind me, there's none left. (I wouldn't be that rude; I'd give them $40 out of the bucket.)

Meanwhile, there's this "required to with draw ... per 2 hours" clause. Apparently, I must withdraw this much; I do not have the option of withdrawing less. And so, every two hours -- perhaps more often, if there's not $150,000 in the whole set of ATMs -- I must find a new bank, and drain all of the cash out of its ATMs into buckets, every two hours, for slightly over 100 hours straight. That's probably most of the peninsula, by the time I'd be done with it.

And then, after four days of sleep deprivation and having $8.5M in buckets in the back of the car -- it may just fit, though I suspect the springs will be bottomed out -- I have to find a bank to accept it as a deposit, or otherwise figure out what to do with all that cash.

This really seems like it ought to be the plot of a B-grade straight-to-DVD comedy.
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